Clomid all in my body

Well, finished my day 9 dose of clomid yesterday morning...went in for my day 10 lab work (fsh) this morning...and STILL waiting on my follow-up appointment to be scheduled with my OB.  A friend of mine suggested that I make an appointment with an RE NOW, instead of waiting to see if this clomid cycle failed.  I feel a little weird about doin that--i mean, for one, I feel like I should follow-up with the doctor who gave me the rx...and then I feel like I should see what other testing she plans to do for me.  Plus, I don't know if I'm mentally ready for that step yet...until I know if this clomid worke or not.  Plus, I don't know what insurance will cover, I don't know if I need a referral...so many questions...

My major side effect from the clomid was dizziness...just for seconds at a time, then gone.  Enough to annoy me.  Not enough to keep me from functioning. 

DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO FROM HERE...

...waiting game for now I guess.....

AF is finally here!!!

OK, so I finally got AF last night...yay!  So now I get to start taking Clomid on Saturday for this Clomid Challenge...

Alright, let's be real. I'm TERRIFIED!!!  I'm so scared in so many ways.  For starters, at the lowest level of scaredness...I'm afraid of the side effects...I have to work Saturday night...what if I'm dizzy or vomiting or something worse?  ugh...

THEN, I'm terrified that it's not going to work.  I just learned that I can only do this drug 6 times...in my LIFETIME.  I thought it was 6 times and then you had to take a break...but apparantly, it's forever.  So I think if this round doesn't do it, I'm going to go see an RE.  Don't need to waste time or medication right...?

ALSO, I'm sort of terrified of it working.  For many reasons.  For one, I've wanted to be pregnant for so long, I don't knwo what to do when it really happens!  And then what if it'stwins...?  UGH.  OK...things will be alright...going to the lab tomorrow for my first bloodwork!

Waiting...

So I can't believe it's already February...so much happened in January.  Including the birth of my nephew, who I adore (thank goodness!  Seriously...I was worried I'd resent him a little...)  But really, I adore him.  And I love spending time with him and my sis...it just gets hard when my mom's around and talks constatnly how she loves being a grandma--that part still stings me.

I also had my follow-up appointment with my ob/gyn in January.  While I was expecting to get a referral to an RE, I actually got an RX straight from her for Clomid, which I will be starting hopefully any day now...just waiting for AF to come...never wanted it so bad.  This will be the first time I won't be depressed whn it gets here--because this is the first time I can actively do something about keeping it away for the next 9 months.  :)

Along with the rx I got some more lab work orders for when I start as well...but the other labs from my first visit were all a-ok.

Well, that's all.  My life right now consists of waiting for AF--I'm on CD 34 so can be any day now, within the next 10 days I'm hoping.  Feeling a little crampy so mabe it's coming sooner than later...

Sometimes you just need to vent...

So, just a little venting post...

So my sister had her baby, and all I've been hearing, is "when are you going to have a baby?"  UGH.  I know it's reasonable to wonder if I'm thinking of kids since I've been married and I'm getting older...and most people have kids by my age...and all my friends have children and all my cousins have children (even the younger than me cousins)...

I'm so sick of the questioning.  I'm sick of people making up excuses for me.  My typical response is "maybe in a year or two"--but they don't just accept that.  They have to find out WHY.  You're focused on your career right now aren't you?  (NO, i am NOT a career woman who doesn't want a family!)  Oh, you're not ready are you?  (YES, we feel ready, and yes we are trying, but I'm not going to tell YOU that!)  You're still enjoying being newlyweds and doing your own thing aren't you?  (NO, we've been married over 2 years and are ready for our next step...my body just won't let us!)  The excuses go on and on and on...I'm starting to think I need to figure out an excuse myself that I can satisfy people with.  It is so frustrating and I feel like crying each time I get this questioning.

I'm trying so hard to be supportive for my sister, and to be there for her, but it's hard with everyone else around.

I just don't know how to feel any more.

Have to get ready for work, I will post about my medical updates another day...

to start with...

well, let me start my blog with a little intro. my name is jen.  i'm 28 years old...my hubby's also 28...and we are tryin to have a baby.  ready to start a family.  we've been ready for a year, and been trying...

in december, i finally went to see a doctor to see why we weren't getting pregnant.  i told her my periods range from 28 days to 50 days with the majority lasting more in the 40s days.  she did some blood tests and an ultrasound (very awkward!) and diagnosed me with pcos.

since then, i have done so much research on the internet, scared myself terribly with all the complications that COULD possibly happen...then i found a website called PCOSupport.org and it has been wonderful.  other women post their experiences and are there to help...it's making me feel much more at ease with the whole pcos thing.

i still feel "broken".  like there is something wrong with me.  i am not normal.  it helps to know that i am not alone.  my husband tries to be supportive, but right now what i really need (and have found on the mentioned website) is other people just like me.

it's going to be an adventure...learning about pcos some more.  it's not going to be easy, and i am feeling really depressed at the moment--to the point of not sleeping or eating well.  i think i will feel better next week after i meet with my doc to discuss a treatment plan...look at my options.

if anyone's reading this, great, but if not, this will be my therapy. :)